


Take another (not so little) Piece of my Heart

by Vmwrites



Category: The Goldfinch - Donna Tartt
Genre: M/M, sad sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-05
Updated: 2019-11-05
Packaged: 2021-01-23 17:57:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21324322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vmwrites/pseuds/Vmwrites
Summary: Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy: When your heart is too big.Boris has a rare heart condition and a distaste for everything and everyone he's ever encountered.Theo is the only person who has ever seemed to click with him-and oh look at that he has really pretty eyes.
Relationships: Theodore Decker/Boris Pavlikovsky, boreo - Relationship
Comments: 9
Kudos: 50





	Take another (not so little) Piece of my Heart

**Hypertrophic Cardiomyopathy. When your heart is too big.**

When the doctors in Russia had explained it, they were blunt and honest. 

_ Shortness of breath, fainting, chest pain, heart murmur, possible sudden cardiac death. _ Etc, Etc.

Boris and his father appreciated their quickness to his diagnosis and felt there to be no need to sugarcoat the condition. He was at risk, yes, but for the most part, he could keep the condition stable as long as he avoided intensive exercise or anything that may trigger a rapid heartbeat. 

When the doctors in America had explained it when he had his first check-up since moving, they were soft about it, almost trying to romanticize it to Boris. 

_ "Your heart is too big for your body darling. You must love too much!", _the old grey nurse had cooed at him.

But that wasn't true. Boris Pavlikovsky hated everything. 

* * *

Boris hated school. He hated the loudness of the other kids around him and he especially hated the teachers. He was a decently smart kid, but he lacked the motivation to get any work done, simply shrugging it all off cause, well, he hated it.

On this particular Monday morning, Boris pushed through the many cliques swarming the hallways and made his way into the library before class was due to start. This wasn't something of the norm for Boris. His school library wasn't your traditional hush-hush professional library. It was filled to the brim with loud first-year kids messing around on the side where all the computers sat and slightly empty on the side where there were desks, chairs, and aisles upon aisles of books. Definitely not his scene.

"Excuse me juniors, students are trying to study! This is a shared workspace!', the librarian yelled over the kids, to which they quieted down for a second only to pick back up with their antics moments later.

Boris shook his head. This could have been a great place for him to sit in every morning before class had it not been for the constant commotion. He decided he'd do whatever he had to do to get out as quickly as he can.

_ All you have to do is take out a book on an artist of your choice for your history class, Boris. Make it quick. _

Walking through the many aisles at a moderate pace to avoid prompting any issues with his heart rate, Boris made his way over to the art section.

He scanned over all the biographies and history books filled with timeless paintings and their meanings, saying no to himself as his eyes grazed over the spines of each book. 

_ Pablo Picasso _

_ Salvador Dali _

_ Andy Warhol _

_ Leonardo Da Vinci _

No. No. No. And no. None of them interested him. He hated all of their pretentious work and the way it was overanalyzed by his teachers in an attempt to make their students _ feel _ _something_. 

Finally one caught his eye. With a washed-out orange spine that read _ Rembrandt _, Boris put his hand directly on it and tried to pull it from its spot on the shelf. 

To his surprise, another hand on the other side of the shelf began to pull at that same book. They both froze in place until they awkwardly let go at the same time, sending the book falling off the shelf and onto the floor in front of Boris. Boris looked at the now empty space on the shelf and met the pale eyes of a boy. He had light-wash hair with a few strands that noticeable fell just behind his rounded glasses and a stunned look on his face that Boris seemed to match in an instant. 

They stayed there silently for a whole minute. It was weird and neither boys understood why they stayed completely still and silent not once breaking eye contact for an entire 60 seconds. Taking a shaky breath, Boris felt his heart palpitate and reached his hand up to the left side of his chest. Taking this as a cue to move forward, the boy with the glasses broke the silence.

"You can have it."

Boris kept on rubbing his chest, "Huh? Oh. No. It's okay I don't need it."

While there were so many students in that high school the boy with the Harry Potter looking glasses knew that he would never miss someone with such a distinct accent.

"Are you new?"

"Yeah, I just moved here."

"Wait there."

Boris stayed standing there. He wasn't sure why. He had no idea who this kid was and didn't know how he had managed to convince his rebellious self to stay put, but he stayed and waited, his heartbeat finally normalizing.

In an instant, the boy had come around the aisle and was standing directly in front of Boris. He was a lot shorter than him and dressed in such a way that made Boris feel like he shouldn't be in his presence. He had on expensive-looking clothes and dressed like the kids who sneered at Boris in the hallway for his oversized sweaters and pants. He reminded him a lot of all the kids in the hallway who, like many other people, he hates. But still, he didn't move, he stood there and let him speak.

"I'm Theo."

"Boris."

The boy-now known to Boris as Theo-reached down and picked up the Rembrandt book laying by his feet. He took a look at it before handing it over to Boris, to which he took it reluctantly."

"Rembrandt. Good taste."

Boris didn't know why, but he had a sudden urge to laugh. He began to laugh at the boy, and to his surprise, rather than getting pissed and walking away, the boy started laughing too. 

* * *

From then on, _ it was history _one might say. 

It started as a simple walk to first-period class, then turned to a seat together in the cafeteria, then, almost too quickly for either of them to realize, they were spending entire weekends camped out at each other's houses.

Theo wasn't aware of Boris' HCM at first, not for any particular reason, it wasn't like Boris tried to hide it, he just thought it was insignificant. When talking to Theo, he found many more important things to input about himself rather than his heart condition. Their conversations were endless, sometimes appearing meaningless with no distinct beginning or end, but to them, every conversation was something special. Even when they completely drop the topic they were on because someone brought up something else. 

It was Theo who would always break their comfortable silences and strike up a conversation, only to detour them moments later when another bright thought popped into his head.

_ "What do you think of Gatsby? Not the book itself but the guy. Do you like him?" _

_ "I mean not really. He loves this girl so much and she doesn't even seem to give a shit about him. He'd lay his life if he had to." _

_ "Did you read ahead?" _

_ "No." _

_ "Oh well, you're gonna be surprised. Hey, we should go check out that new bowling alley by my house tonight." _

Just like that, they were onto the next, and although they were almost always talking about something, they never ran out of things to talk about. 

* * *

That same night, they walked down to the bowling alley and Theo covered the pay for a lane and a couple of games that would keep them busy for the next couple hours. it wasn't until this night that Boris told him about his HCM.

Boris (having never bowled in his life), aloud Theo to get behind him and show him how. He couldn't lie, it flustered him and sent his blood rushing to his face, and once Theo noticed what exactly he had done, he got shy just the same. They were able to move past this encounter quickly and Boris began showing off his new skill, lifting the heaviest ball with his scrawny arms and running from the end of the aisle to the tip of the lane and rolling the ball down. It wasn't long before Boris started to feel increasingly tired, with his heart beginning to palpitate and his head beginning to feel like it was on a teacup ride in an amusement park going full speed, and he had to sit down and tell Theo so that if by chance he passed out, it was a part of his condition.

From that moment forward, when it came to any sort of outings or day-to-day activities, Theo began to think them through thoroughly to avoid ever putting him in any situation that may trigger his condition. He'd stop running ahead of him teasingly when they were walking, and even stopped going up behind him to scare him when he'd catch him alone in the hallways. He knew it wasn't all that serious, but he couldn't bear the thought of being responsible for making Boris feel any sort of physical discomfort.

* * *

After a particularly long Friday, Theo brought Boris back to his house, insisting they take the bus instead of walking to avoid any unnecessary physical activity. 

Theo brought him up to his room and turned on his tiny refurbished television and his game console, to which he and Boris wasted away hours playing.

It was around 11 o'clock at night, when Boris began to suddenly feel a bit weak and tired. Theo immediately got him up and into his bed in a way that a mother would for her sick child, and sat up on his knees on the floor next to it.

Boris laughed slightly, "I'm fine, this happens sometimes."

"Yeah but I still want to make sure you're okay."

Boris shut his eyes, sighing softly, "You're too sweet."

With his eyes fluttered shut and his long dark eyelashes grazing his face, Theo stayed quiet and admired him like this. He thought he looked..._pretty_. He never realized it before but Boris has a _ pretty _quality to him. He could never explain it but he figured it came from his foreign-ness,as he labeled it. 

After a few more moments of silence, Boris opened his eyes and laughed that same quiet laugh,

"What?"

"Oh. Nothing. What, what? What do you mean what?"

Now it was Boris' turn to stare. He kept a smile on his face and his eyes on Theo. He admired his features and the way they contorted into a flustered gaze, looking as if he's just been caught cheating on a test and was trying to convince the teacher he wasn't.

"You know," Boris started.

"My heart is only so big so that if you curl your self up you can fit right inside of it."

"Gosh Boris you're such a freak."

He teased him for it, but he couldn't deny it caught him off guard. There was something very sweet in that comment, that his uncommon heart only had one purpose and one purpose only and that purpose was for Theo to _ fit right inside of it. _Thinking about this, and replaying it in his head, hearing that sweet, smooth, accent kept him up for the rest of the night after he slid into bed next to him. Boris slept soundly, with no regret or thought in his mind for his words, and Theo stayed laying there on his back, eyes on the ceiling, not being able to shake it off. 

* * *

Having once hated everything he's ever had to encounter in life, Boris finally felt content with something. That something-or someone in this instance- was Theo. 

Theo made him happy and made him laugh and he couldn't lie, he enjoyed it when he'd get all worried about him and baby him when he started to not feel too well. It got to a point where he began to question himself and who he saw Theo as. A brother-god no, a friend-hm why doesn't that sound right? Maybe because he finds himself getting completely zoned out in the middle of conversations because he's completely fixated on his glass-like eyes and the way they stay on his comfortably during every chat they ever have. Maybe because he likes to hold him like he's a pillow when he sleeps over, pretending like he's asleep to avoid having to explain himself. Or maybe it's because of the other day-

_ Sitting in the stairwell and talking about nothing and everything all at once, they found themselves in a sudden moment of silence. Eyes on each other's eyes, smiles slowly fading from their faces, eyes trailing down to each other's mouths, slowly inching towards each other, faces only millimeters apart- _

_ the door to the stairwell and opened and in walked a bunch of chattering kids, to which Boris and Theo quickly flinched away and turned their heads to the ground. _

Nothing happened and they never talked about it again, but it was the thought of what could have happened that plagued Boris' mind. 

* * *

It was a Tuesday and Boris was in a terrible mood. He missed his doctor's appointment because his dad was hungover on the couch all morning, and he was late to class. He didn't see Theo that morning which he was thankful for at the moment. He was so extremely hostile that he didn't want to bring it upon anyone else. He was sure to avoid him all day, purposely turning corners in the hallway when he'd see him coming his way, and even skipping the one period they had together. 

When Boris got upset or irritated, he couldn't help the actions or words that poured out of him uncontrollably like an active volcano. Theo learned that on that Tuesday night after school when he finally caught up to Boris and tried to walk home with him.

"Hey what the fuck, where have you been all day?"

"Here." Boris barley mumbled out his words. 

Theo continued to walk with him, attempting to initiate a conversation that Boris didn't pick up on until he grabbed his wrist gently and turned him around when he started to trail slightly in front of him. 

"What's wrong," he said gently, trying to appear as understanding as possible. 

Boris took one look down at his hand on his wrist and yanked it away from him. He had a nasty, angry look on his face that he could not control when it took over him, and it almost frightened Theo in the way it strengthened his already strong gaze. 

"Boris I'm sorry I-"

"Just fuck off yeah? Leave me alone I had a bad day."

Theo hated to hear this. This was a phrase he knew all to well and had heard multiple times from his own father as an excuse for his shitty actions towards him. Whatever it was that was triggering Boris' anger, seemed to transcend into Theo, and he too became angry. 

"Whatever's bothering you right now is not my fault so don't fucking take it out on me, okay asshole?"

"Yeah yeah fuck you."

"You know what Boris, fuck you. I'm not your punching bag and whatever's wrong with you I sure as hell did not cause it. I'm leaving. You can talk to me when you're done being a piece of shit."

Boris simply turned around and continued to walk, leaving Theo standing on his own. Theo shook his head at himself before turning and walking home himself, with tears in his eyes. 

Boris walked and walked, never making his way home, rather bringing himself over to the park he and Theo sometimes go to. He sat on a swing and moved slightly side to side. He wasn't feeling too well, _ probably from all the walking _, he thought to himself, but his thoughts were quickly shifted to Theo. 

Sitting outside on his own and getting some air aloud him to calm down and come to his senses. He realized how badly he had acted and suddenly frowned, thinking about how harsh he was in his words to the only person who has ever made him happy. This was the person that made him feel_ something _, something that he couldn't quite explain. 

He felt a raindrop hit his face and before he knew it, he was sat on his swing and being drenched with the rain bursting from above him.

Maybe it was the rain or maybe it was just himself, he suddenly realized what that unexplainable something that he was experiencing was, and he had to go tell him. He felt a sudden feeling of intense urgency and bolted up from the swing and began running towards Theo's house.

He had never run so fast in his life, and his chest was heaving as he tried to steady his breath, but never once stopping his one-man race. 

He made it only one block away from Theo's house when his body started to give up on him. His heart was beating profusely and he could hardly breathe. Before he could steady himself on anything he could find nearby, he collapsed into the ground, face-first into a puddle.

He lost consciousness instantly and completely blacked out, that it wasn't until his brain brought him on some sort of psychedelic trip that he realized, at only 16 years old, he was dying. Ironic how it wasn't quite the condition itself that would take him out in the end, but the predicament it put him in, having had him pass out on the sidewalk and drown himself in a puddle. His mind, as if trying to pump out its last bit of battery life it had, began racing to the thought of what he was about to do had he made it. _ I can't tell him _ , he thought, _ but if I say it in my head it will be as if I did. _ So, silently, in his mind, he searched for the words to say. _ I don't hate you _ . Boris thought before mentally shaking his head. _ That's not how you say it...I love you. _

Boris' lifeless body stayed laying on the floor of the pavement with his face still in the puddle. He looked almost as if he was engaged in peaceful sleep, content with no thoughts or regretted words.

Theo laid awake in his bed. On his back, eyes to the ceiling, replaying Boris' words in his head. That usually smooth accent coming out harsh and rough and he found himself here again, not able to sleep because of something Boris said.

_ Tomorrow's a new day _ , he thought, _ we'll fix it then. _

But for Boris, there was no tomorrow, and as for Theo, _tomorrow_ would never be the same again

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the sadness! Hope you all enjoyed this as much as I enjoyed writing it! This condition is very rare one that I hadn't heard much about before doing some research. I advice anyone to look into it as well and be aware of it!


End file.
